Loretta and Entitlement Programs

In a random discussion on various topics related to her life, my 90-something year old step-aunt Loretta reiterated for the umpteenth time how her mother had braved the then-unacceptable prospect of seeking a divorce from an abusive husband who, during the days of prohibition, used the bathtub for the home-brewing of beer.

During the divorce, and then afterward, the man stalked mother and daughter for a period of time until the day came when he was no longer a threat to their lives. He kind of just disappeared from the face of the earth, presumably ‘bumped off’ by members of what were most likely men associated with the mafia the mafia.

Loretta’s mom tried her best to make ends meet, working long days in a sweat shop making woolen clothing. She came home with stands of wool plastered on every part of her sweat-dripping exposed skin. Nights were spent with both mother and daughter sewing labels on the finished products. In her off-hours, Loretta’s mom would wash, dry and fold clothing for families in the neighborhood.

A second husband entered the life of Loretta’s mom. From the start, he and the child did not like each other – not one bit. He constantly belittled the seven year old child, repeatedly using words such as ‘brat’ and ‘worthless’, denying her mom from spending any amount of his selfishly-earned money on the little girl. Loretta was sent to a Catholic school where, again, not only she but other children were faced with degrees of denigration by those who were entrusted to provide a sense of security and nourish them in their formative years. Loretta spent her childhood shedding tears through years of worry and despair.

As an adult, Loretta married an educated man, an engineer of some degree. Unfortunately, he was a sickly man and passed away at an early age. They had no children. She didn’t remarry. Loretta has never hinted that she was involved with women’s rights movements but, out of necessity, she was resourceful and prepared herself for a secure future in later years.

She remained in Upstate New York in the Syracuse area, securing a job with General Electric. Having no one else to rely, with determination she earned respect as a laborer and eventually promoted to a management position.

Loretta was a dedicated, workaholic. She was determined to never again ‘go without’. She not only placed investments in her employer, GE, but placed some of her earnings in other investment vehicles. She seldom took vacations, the only one of which she has ever discussed was a trip to Florida with some girlfriends; she’s never related any particular fondness of the vacation.

Jump now to the late 1986 when my Aunt Nona passed away from a massive heart attack at age 68. She and my Uncle Phil had married during WWII. He lied about his age, not only to his wife to but also the military. He served in the US Navy, after which he made a career of welding for small, private companies. He spent weeks upon weeks away from home traveling to out of town building sites, faithfully supporting his wife and two sons. He made the most of family time on the weekends but rest was a must priority.

His retirement funds were limited but would still provide opportunities to travel a bit to visit his two sons – one in the Chicago area, where Nona grew up, the other in California where I also lived. I was devastated by Nona’s loss. I grew up in Michigan, a farmer’s son. Neither of our families was ‘well-to-do’ so our times together were very, very few. With her death, their vacation visits never materialized. I missed out on getting to know her with the intimacy that can only be shared in earnest with a beloved relative. I still feel robbed, but that’s life, just as the emotions that come with our earthly existence.

Uncle Phil met Loretta within months after Nona’s death. They married within a year, a shock to the two sons. The first meeting of sons and step mother was at the wedding. The contrast in the two women’s personalities was a shock of immense proportions. Nona was soft spoken. Loretta was/is a chatter box. She can carry on multiple conversations at the same time, offering input to discussions being held across a room! She is also rather loud, a result of caring for her near-deaf mom in her waning years.

There’s no doubt that Phil and Loretta met through fate. Their loves is apparent and, mainly through her investments, have lived a very comfortable life over the past 22 years – just this past week they celebrated their anniversary. For many years they maintained a home in both New York and Florida. Due to health conditions that come from the human condition of aging they made Zephyr Hills their permanent residence a number of years ago. Nowadays, the severity of their aches and pains (he with degenerative arthritis and she with severe back ailments) they sit as comfortable as possible in their cozy condominium in a retirement community.

Nowadays, the mostly they eat out (Golden Corral is a favorite) or have frozen prepared dinners at home. She can no longer fixes those delicious pot roast dinners with the many side-dishes, or make those most scrumpdillyicious lemon cakes I have lavished her with praise over the past two decades. But, she’s as upbeat and entertaining as always, giving the most loving of care to that that sometimes grumpy husband of hers. (I pause for a moment to wipe away tears that will flow unabated when they….)

Ten minutes later… composure returns.

During our most recent discussion, Loretta matter-of-factly brought up the fact that without Social Security and Medicare they would not have been able to make Florida their home. As a wise and realistic woman, she knows there are no worries that these entitlement programs will remain sustainable through the rest of their lives. And, just maybe, through the lives of us baby boomers.

If only I had been as wise as Loretta with how she took complete control of her life and her future, I would be a less secure man about to entire my sixtieth birthday.